What does family mean to you?

   To me the word means togetherness. Means being there and a support system for when things start falling apart. Family can be blood related or they can be friends that have been there and are so close they are family. They don't bail on you for nothing. You can have a fight with your family be mad for a bit then get over it. 

   Now days people seem to forget what family is. They want to back stab and disrespect one another and just be "evil". How can people do these things and then claim they are family. How can you say your family then turn around and ignore them and forget they exist? Why do families have "black sheep" in them? Why can't they just be a Family?

   I write this because I am hurting. My whole family is a mess. They do nothing but make drama for themselves. Yet they claim I am a drama queen. My "real" family will tell you I am the furtherest thing from that. I want to be close with my mom, dad, and two brothers but I think that is impossible. I always feel uncomfortable around any of them. I feel like I am out of place. So, I have decided to put those who hurt me "at arms length". If anyone wants to be my "family" then they have to start acting like it. No more running at the mouth and back stabbing. No more treating one another like dirt when they are not around. I can't stand for it any more. I just want positive supportive people around me from now on. I have enough problems on my own to deal with then what family member is going to start shit with me this time. 

NaBloPoMo- June- Now

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a animal veterinarian. Large animal to be exact. I dreamed of either working with Large Cats or even Elephants. What happened to that dream has a lot to do with my past and I changed my dream to adjust to what I am doing now. I cherish my daughter everyday and Love being a stay at home mommy. To satisfy my want to care for animals I am a Foster mom for a greyhound adoption group called All about Hounds. My main goal in life is to raise my children to be functional and smart adults and save as many dogs as I can.

I have also become a devoted friend, girl friend, and mother because my heart wants it. I want to be the best I can be for my family now that I have gotten older. I want still to be a veterinarian but I know now that my true calling in life is to be a mother.

 

This is my daily blog post for NaBloPoMo.

What the hell is up with this world!!!!

First I find out a friend of mine knows of a child who goes to school with her children is dieing. Now I find out a woman who I have known of for a few years is dealing with a volleyball sized mass in her abdomen and the great wonderful state of Texas turned her away when she asked for help. This woman is a mother of 3 and a dedicated wife. She is someone’s sister, mother, daughter, aunt. They are working towards getting a fundraiser for her. Because she doesn’t have insurance she has to pay it all up front. I mean come on people get your shit together. I just am baffled by this crap. Here where I live if a woman gets something like this they help you. The hospital she was at discharged her.  I REPEAT DISCHARGED HER!!!! This should of been removed as soon as it was found!!!! IT(the mass) has grown rapidly and now is pushing on organs and can kill her.

What is wrong with this system? Obama is pushing healthcare but look someone is falling thru the hoops!!!! I can’t believe this place. I mean if we were illegal aliens here we could get help. But if your white and work for yourself you can’t get SHIT. Someone explain this shit to me. I really want to understand why someone like this woman is dealing with a mass she can’t get removed that just may take her life. It is almost like no one cares. This woman is a stay at home mom that works from home. She is a dedicated mother to 3 little girls that need their mom. This shit has got to stop.

If I had the money to send to this woman to get her to a doctor I would. This woman needs a mere $500 dollars just to be SEEN. I really wish there was something more I could do. I will try my best to donate something. It may not be much but damn it I will do my best!

I wonder if it shouldn’t be called terrible 3’s instead.

Taylor has been naughty for the past few weeks. This kiddo is going out of her way to get into things that she “knows” not to get into. As soon as she is caught she starts saying sorry. I swear I can’t wait until she figures out this compulsion issue.  The biggest issue I have currently is not her ruining toilet paper or wasting a whole tube of tooth paste on my floor. It is her feeding grapes to the dogs. Grapes are toxic to dogs in large doses. I am not happy with the fact I will more then likely have to stop getting grapes for a while. I am trying to get us eating more healthy and fresh fruit is a big part of our new diet. Grapes are a fave in our house. I just have to stop buying them I guess. Anyone have any tips on keeping a child out of the fridge or even the kitchen in the middle of the night or early mornings. We have a baby gate up but she moved it. I am currently pricing permanent gates to go in the kitchen/living room doorway to keep the dogs in the kitchen and the kid out. I just wish my little girl was the same little girl she was last year. *sigh*

random rambling

As some people who know me. I am currently looking for a pup to train for service work. We got a puppy but she started to show way to much aggression for what I am needing. So she is getting a home with more children and a family that will love her as much as we do.

Now, to let everyone know I am taking in a potential dog that is showing promise. She is 1 year old and a German Shepherd. I get to meet her tonight. Her name is Zoey. (a nick name I had while in High school) I am nervous and excited. I hope she is a fit. I am tired of feeling trapped inside my home and having to rely on others to go any where.

On another note. Someone contacted me about Dakota the bunny everyone in the house is showing allergies to. He will be going to an 18 acre farm with another rabbit and he will be an indoor rabbit.

I am just wanting to have things work out for my family and if that means me rehoming some of my pets then I will work really hard to find them perfect homes.

On another news front. Taylor is being a silly willy all the time. We were out working on the garden and she was playing in the yard. We haven’t mowed the back yard in a bit so when she sits down she almost dissappears. It makes me laugh so much. She wants to play outside and help me garden all the time. I love it. She loves books and nature and so feels like this is how life is supposed to be.

This past week I have been really depressed. My weight and the way I look is starting to get to me. I am really trying to get over it but its really a struggle.  I want to be in a better mood I know I have things I need to get done but I just can’t do it. I am thankful for the people around me being so understanding. I am hoping getting Zoey will help with my issues.

Taylor’s home schooling is going really well. She makes such a cute attempt to say her ABC’s she counts but still tries to only say them odds only. We are working hard on it. She loves to draw and “read”. Her reading is looking at the books and making up her own stories. I can’t wait for her to actually start reading on her own. I love reading to her. I need to get her a reading program started. I might purchase a phonics system for her. I really enjoy starting her homeschooling. We are researching the right way to do it.

My biggest battle with Home school is my family. They all seem to be against it. I am sorry I don’t parent the way everyone else does. I feel Home School is a better choice for my family and I feel it is more my job to make sure my children learn.

We are working on getting her involved in Cheerleading and Gymnastics. She also keeps telling me she wants to make music. So we are starting to expose her to musical instruments so she can find one she likes if she wants to play one.

I have been working on a garden and its so not easy. I have been doing it slowly because I get out of breath with all the pollen kicking up. Taylor tries so hard to help. She will run with weeds and throw them in the pile at the other side of the yard. She is a nut most the time. Makes me laugh. I will get my camera out and start taking more photo’s soon. I just have been so down lately.

 

I know this is just a bunch of rambling but I haven’t blogged in so long that I just have no theme or topic anymore. I want to blog. I want to write but I keep hitting these damn writer blocks and it pisses me off.

 

Thanks for reading,

Beverly