Update

Well life is moving along. We are into the Year 2011 and well this seems to be a great year so far.

Monkey is about 41.5 inches and averages about 32lbs. She is tall and skinny. Long blonde hair as normal and her eyes are still that stunning blue they were the day she was born. She is in love with dancing and horses. She has an imaginary friend that is named Lucky. It is a horse. Lucky likes to pull the buggy in the store. She cracks me up. The other day when we went to Bed, Bath and Beyond She told Lucky to go eat grass next to the truck so he wouldn't bump anything in the store. Awww my thoughtful little girl.

Everyday she dresses up in her dress up clothes and preforms a dance she makes up in her room before dinner. She is so cute.

We are working on learning colors, tieing shoes, and her learning to read.

I can't believe she is 4 now. It feels like just yesterday she was in my arms breastfeeding.

I am doing great. I start a new diet soon and hope to lose all this excess weight. I miss being a healthy size and want to get my health back on track. I have 2 dogs and 2 guinea pigs to care for besides the Monkey. Life is looking up and I am moving on.

Got my divorce finally. That was a great feeling knowing that chapter was closing.

My plans for this year is:
1. lose 100lbs
2. train my dogs to a standard I have set in my dog training blog ( which I need to update)
3. Blog on a regular basis.
4. start running again
5. enroll Monkey in a dance class or something like that.


I have other plans but am waiting for things to fall into place before I post about them.


As always thank you for taking time and reading our blog.

Beverly and Monkey

So the Kidlet is growing up some.

This is the monster that both drives me batty but also makes my heart melt with one look from those baby blues. She is my kidlet and I love her to bits. She is reading 1st grade sightwords!! She also is excelling in all her school work except in colors. We are working on that. I need to make her another appointment to sit down and talk with her doctor about a more extensive eye exam. That and she complains of headaches every morning now. I worry her eyes might be bothering her and because she can't tell you what color things are or what letter something is (working on her abc names but she can read) it is harder to judge her sight. 

Other then that she is growing up and she will be 4 years old in under 3 months. Where has the time gone? I miss the days of her being cuddled up and looking up at me and just smiling. I get that now but its not the same as when she was so tiny. She stands taller then my kitchen counters and just hit 31lbs steady. I will get her measurements soon. She loves to learn and loves to pretend taking care of her baby doll. We bought her a bassinet and car seat for the baby and are planning on making her room more like a small apartment. Including kitchen, laundry, and baby area. She is also getting a TV in her room with only one cable channel. Sprout! She loves that channel and it is all I hear about in the mornings. She gets 2 hours total T.V. time other then that her bum is in her room or in my office either playing or learning. We have outside time when the weather allows it. She loves the Zoo. We have annual membership so she can run and play on the play ground and see her TIGERS. They are her favorite animal lately. 

Her hair is long in the back. Only part that is cut is her bangs and frame around the face to keep her from eating it. It is so pretty when freshly washed and dried and she goes outside the sun makes it look golden. She is Tanned under the clothes from playing in the back yard in a bathing suit most the summer when it wasn't to hot. She loves to chase the dogs with a water hose. 

She loves to go out to the store and just walk around. The outfit in the photo above is one she picked out all on her own while I was looking at Halloween things. She picked them up and asked if we could get them for her. $10 dollars for a skirt and shirt to fit her wasn't to bad. Next week we are going to get some Halloween things to decorate and for use to wear on Samhain night. We are all excited here. 

She loves to help light the Hestia alter everyday. She says her prayers every night. She wakes up in the mornings most the time happy and ready to learn and play. I love watching her grow. She has taught me how to look at the world through another's eyes. To see her get excited about a bug, flower, cloud, or even the Moon is a blessing. She may drive me nuts but I love my daughter and will forever. 

Now I leave you with another photo I hope you enjoyed my moment of thought on this update. I am just in awe of my 3 almost 4 year old.

Peace, love and snotty noses.

Beverly and T-Bone

so school has started.

T can read some words. I am so proud of her. I have some help from my boyfriend but I am her primary teacher. I love teaching her. Some days it is pretty frustrating but for the most part just the joy on her face as it clicks in her. She gets so excited. She just loves to learn!!

Loss is it really a matter of “get over it”?

I have a hidden secret that some people are learning about me. I had a still born son 9 years ago. He had a hidden heart defect that when I gave birth to him he died. I have always felt that was my fault. I know now that it wasn’t. I don’t remember the birth to much due to my brain blocking it out. I just deal with the loss as I get older. I see my beautiful little girl growing up and it makes me long to see him and have him grow up to. I wonder what could of been. Where we would be now and if our life would be different. I cry myself to sleep a lot. I feel insecure and lonely. I wonder if it is because I long to hold him.

I am often told to “get over it”. How the hell can people expect you to get over it? How can someone who has never gone through the grief and the whole gauntlet of feelings one feels when losing a child expect you to just “get over it”? I just am appalled by how some people are so careless in this world. Every year my son gets older in my heart and mind and every year I am faced with the feelings and hurt that I felt then. Time and time again I hear those words “get over it already”. Don’t people know if I knew how to get over it I would of done it already? I know people who elected to abort a child. I wonder how they live with themselves knowing they could just get over it? I feel a person needs time to grieve and cope. I was denied that until I started to remember fully what happened and what exactly took place.   I am slowly starting to heal and cope with the pain that came with losing my first child. I have my daughter and plans to have more children to look forward to but forever I will miss and yearn for my son.

Update of sorts

We are doing well. Just living life and moving forward. I am tired a lot but not sure why. I sleep at least 8 hours and I stay tired. Just another thing to deal with in life.

T is doing awesome she is doing great with reading and learning how to draw. She still has issues with her colors.

Matthew is doing well. Work has him busy all the time but we make due.

Me like I stated up in the post I am tired. I don’t feel like doing much of anything. I wish I was more motivated. Not sure how to get motivated though. Life throws me curve balls a lot. Can not wait until I can get some insurance so I can figure out what is wrong with me.

 

Family rarely calls or emails other then random face book chatter. I give up on it. They have my number they can call me.

 

Training the pooch is getting there but not there yet. We have a conference to attend so we are taking her. Yay I get 4 days to cram information into that poor pooches brain. She is smart as can be just a horrible attention span. She goes from wow mom what you want me to do to oh bug! in less then 3 seconds. I love her thou. Matthew gets aggravated because she Bays instead of barks so she sound different. I love it thou. She is my Duchess. (her name was Kallie)

 

Well that is all for now. I am off to do house duties. Hugs to my readers and until next time. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.