Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Josie- 6 months- self,standard,champagne- she is the first
Ashleigh-5 months- Veriberk,dumbo,blue/white
Sophie-5 months- Berk,dumbo,blue/white
We adore them. I am working on gathering supplies and plans on a new home for them. I can't wait!!!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
I am currently working on getting a job and a way to and from work. We just moved and lord is the house and life in upheaval. I just can't put my head around anything right now. I am working on keeping my relationship with my best friend OK. I am scared to do anything to hurt "us". Monkey is growing like a weed and well learning by leaps and bounds. I just hope I can keep her discipline in check. Our pet rat keeps escaping in the middle of the night to sleep on me. It is NUTS. I am holding up pretty well just get kinda down some days. Thinking to much I think. I hope I can deal with my issues and get past this last chapter in my life. I am so ready to be completely done with all of it.
I wish I had a little more privacy in my life right now. I can deal. (I think) I am thinking of starting to get themes to blog about as I am starting to get bored with just random updates. I don't know how many people actually read my blog. Wish I knew.
I am thinking about learning how to write in HTML so I can edit my blogs a little better.
I am debating on investing in getting a blogging program and buying my name so it will be short and simple. I don't know yet.
I have just been told I type fast. (laughing to myself on that one)
I almost had a complete melt down today due to my brothers. They don't freaking know how to LISTEN. I wish they did. I just can't figure out why they do this. When their father is home they mind him completely. He is overseas right now and they don't want to listen to anyone unless you are going to spank their butts. I just don't get them. I am so tired of it. So, I snapped today.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I am sitting here finished reading the last of the Twilight Saga and was like hmm haven't updated in a while. We have been moving my mother from one home to her new one down the road. (mental note update the address to important people) Not much as changed Monkey is growing by leaps and bounds and is talking a lot more. She is my little toddler. I see more of her intelligence everyday. She is soooo smart. I am doing ok just dealing with some not being able to sleep issues tonight. Just stressing about looking for work and the fact that my car is once again acting up. (mental note maybe think about another car) I sit here in the dark listening to my mother and daughter snore and giggle to myself. Why couldn't life always be this happy?
I have found that place in my life where I have never been happier. I take it all in day by day. I hope to never lose the happiness I have right now in my life. I feel complete is all I can say. Monkey is happy too. She never has a worry in the world any longer. I can't explain the joy I have every time I look in her eyes. I need to get a camera so that I can take pictures to capture that look in her eyes. I fear the day that stress of day to day will take that look away. I hope she over comes it and will always be my happy little girl. I to have found that happiness and cling to it fearlessly.
I wait for the day that my certified mail comes to see what kind of divorce I will have. I fear I will have to go and fight it. I won't give up my daughter without a fight. I am doing what I feel is best for her. I will fight until I can no longer breath. I have been her primary care taker since she was born. I am still her primary care taker. I have no help from her father and have asked for nothing from him but our divorce. In the beginning I offered him time with her and he would never set a date or compromise with me so I don't see where I am doing anything wrong with trying to get on my feet and care for her fully on my own. I have my mother's help right now and will be on my way soon to full Independence from everyone. I just wish he would make up his mind if he wants to be around her or not. I moved so that I could get on my own. I didn't do this to hurt anyone. I needed the support of a caring family and that is why I moved. I just wish people would get that. My family is all I have to help me through this. I left him due to not being able to be compatible with each other. I am finally happy on my own with my friends and family. I am loved and happy that way.
I have a question for everyone. I know people see my blog but no one leaves comments. I am kinda hurt. Why read a blog and then leave not a single comment weather bad or good or just a hey I saw this and wanted to say I was here? Oh well I write this to give me and out in my own bubble of thoughts. Just was kinda hurt.
Thanks for reading this everyone!!!!